What is happening?

What is happening to me? Am I getting old? The music I listen has changed. The things that I read have changed. I don't read the news anymore. Only sometimes. I find it too tedious. There is nothing in the news that I cannot understand. Earlier I used to read the news because I genuinely believed that it is important to know what happening around the world and yourself. But it is not. Its the same all over the world. The bigger problems are different. Those which nobody is paying any attention to. Anything which doesn't hit upon some of these bigger problems that I consider, is not news to me anymore.
What happened to me, that doesn't happen to most other people is that I got a lot of time. This is something which I didn't expect before getting into PhD. I never knew that I would have so much freeking time to think! While it may seem that it is actually a good thing, I am not sure anymore. The confidence which I had before of "knowing" that I can do something is not there anymore. Thinking has made me realize that whatever is happening is just too complicated. It simply is. The world is just tremendously complex to understand. And by the "world" I mean everything. Politics, people, relationships especially, growing up, staying young, getting hit, rising up, jobs, work, money, trust, friendships, moving from places, remembering good times, future, science, genetics, nature v/s nurture, seeing happy people, wondering why you are not happy, ignorance, parents, psychology, the human condition, eating meat, god, morality, philosophy, ethics, being a good man, being a strong man, what it means to be a man, love, sex, passion, missing someone so bad, forgiveness, trying to do the right thing, being scared of hurting and getting hurt, selfishness, virtues, my mother, my home, my father who remains strong despite everything, remembering smoking with friend in the evening, the smell of rain, remembering being happy, remembering my grand mom, remembering my home, remembering my love, marine drive, karnala, lonavla, alibuag, etc. etc.
What happened to me, I don't know. I don't want to figure it out either. I just want back everything again. Somehow I don't think I can have it. Lets see what the future holds.